A New Life

"One day you will wake up and the fact that you have brain cancer will not be the first thing you think about," was predicted by my radiation oncologist about a year ago.  I guess he has proven himself to be right since it has been almost five months since I have posted anything in cancer news...the reason?...I'm doing amazing!

I had an MRI back in December that showed almost NO evidence of disease.  During this series of appointments, I bid farewell to my beloved 26+ years doc which was bittersweet.  He said, "I'm firing myself.  You are doing great!  I will still be keeping an eye on you at tumor board and feel free to call me ANYTIME."  sniff, sniff...I love Dr. Brachman and will always hold a special place for him in my heart.  I might meet up with him again--if the tumor grows back and we decide to use gamma ray or another one of his procedures, but both he and I are hoping that won't be the case.  For now, he will live on in my heart as my most optimistic doctor.

My second appointment with my neuro oncologist went just as great.  She said that if I decided to randomly go and get a MRI from a doctor who did not know my medical history, he or she would not be able to tell that I have cancer.  They would see a black hole, filled with spinal fluid, but wouldn't know that it used to be tumor and had been cut out.  There is that LITTLE of cancer remaining in my brain.

We still know I have cancer, but the radiation, chemo, vitamin C infusions, supplements and vegan diet I am following have all contributed to my remarkable success.  I have cancer, but I don't have A LOT of cancer anymore.  My "battle with cancer" hardly feels that way anymore.  What I do is a way of life--diet, exercise, vitamins.

I had another MRI last week with similar results to December--no growth, stable, scar tissue around tumor site which prompted my doc to push my bi-monthly MRI's to every 3 months!    She is ready to loosen the reigns a little and is confident I will be just fine.  I know I will be.

As I reflect back on the past year and half of my life, it is hard to imagine how much things have changed.  I have felt the lowest of lows and the highest of highs.  When I was in the depth of my radiation and truly felt like my life was nearing the end, in my rawest moments, when nothing mattered but being here with my family, I felt closer to my Heavenly Father than I ever have.  He literally carried me through that time as I did not have the strength to do it on my own.

I learned about the power of prayer.  I learned that when others pray for you it works.  I am thankful for that knowledge and am careful to promise my prayers and do not take it lightly when I do.  I have seen prayer work miracles in my life and lives of so many others.

Now that I can stand on my own two feet I find myself longing for that closeness with my Heavenly Father.  The battle of "everyday life" has come back.  It is a blessing and curse.  I'm so thankful to be a mom again...dinner, grocery shopping, laundry (ugh!), sports, carpool, room mom, etc, but the stronger I get, the farther away I am from that vulnerable state.  I'm learning to live a new life where I can find a balance between what I used to know and what I have learned.  I've been given a second chance that not many get.

Each day I try to focus on what really matters.  I'm definitely not perfect, but I am trying.  What really matters is returning to live with our Heavenly Father.  Plain and simple.  I work each day to remember that and try to teach my children the same thing.

Heavenly Father knows very well that I want to live a full life and raise my babies.  It would be so easy and ideal if it were to work out that way, unfortunately "He didn't say it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it."  I don't make the plans, He does and He's pretty good at making them...now I just have to say it without crying.  I'm working on it.