Point Number One:
Brain surgery. Usually just speaking those two words and knowing it is going to happen to you would be too much. I'm not saying I wasn't scared out of my mind when it was me, but to win that point was so much sweeter because I was so scared. How do you know good without bad? How do you know sweet without sour?
Brain surgery was the scariest thing I have ever faced. It went SO well, I barely even remember being scared. Blessings, prayers, fasting, love and support made brain surgery, brain surgery seem easy. I continue to struggle a little bit with some side effects of the surgery, but they are minimal to what was at stake and I will take them any day to be alive.
Point Number Two:
Chemo Therapy. Many have asked how I get my chemo, most think it is through an IV. It is not in an IV. A few years ago an ultra genius person came up with "Temodar"--chemo therapy in the form of a pill. An expensive drug (because it hasn't been around long enough to have a generic), nevertheless a PILL. I took it every night of my radiation and tolerated it well.
I was on a low dose since I was taking it along with radiation, but also took a pill called "Zofran" (ring a bell pregnant mommies?) 30 minutes before taking my chemo which helped/took away the nausea. Cancer tried really hard to get a point in this area when I had to go off Chemo for a week due to a low white blood cell count (infection fighting cells.) One week and the count was back up and I was back on.
Point Number Three:
Radiation. 33 sessions, monday through friday for 6 1/2 straight weeks. This was the big point for me. I worked the longest and the hardest for this one. This point was the hardest on me physically and emotionally. I stared cancer straight in the face 5 days a week for over 6 weeks. I had 11 seizures, I lost my hair, I lost my appetite, I lost a few hours of each day traveling back and forth to the hospital, I lost my energy, I almost lost myself.
The past week and half I, really, became a "cancer patient." The person you think of when someone says "cancer." The person you know if you have had anyone close to you go through cancer. I couldn't do very much besides sleep. My dad asked me the other day how you die from a brain tumor, I didn't know so I googled it. Some advice: DO NOT GOOGLE HOW YOU DIE FROM CANCER!! I had ALL of the symptoms. My doctor's told me not to google anything (remember my post that mentioned most of the stuff on the internet is out dated?) I should have listened to my dr.'s. The last thing I needed was to couple my lack of physical strength with lack of emotional strength.
Radiation ended last Thursday and I can't believe how much better I feel since then. I am getting stronger everyday.
I feel like I have missed out on so much, but also feel like it is worth it to be here for many years to come. These past 6 weeks (especially the last 2) will not matter when I'm alive to send my baby on a mission ;).
My next MRI is scheduled for November 29th. At first I was SO nervous for this day. I kept thinking, "what if there are no changes in my tumor and this was all for nothing?" Turns out, there will be NO changes in my tumor (since my post-op scan) and that is the way it is supposed to be. I should start to see the positive effects from the chemo and radiation 4-6 months from now. My focus should be recovering from radiation, taking care of my kids, enjoying the holidays and hopefully exercising again. My radiation oncologist kept telling me there will be a day when I don't think of cancer all day, everyday...we are getting closer to that everyday!
I don't feel like I can end any post without thanking all of you for your love, thoughts, prayers, meals, notes, mail, treats, rides to radiation, rides for my kids, watching my kids and support--without that I know I wouldn't be winning my battle with cancer. A special shout out to my sweet husband. He has taken over all of the household duties and even asked me to teach him how to do Rylee's hair yesterday! Bless his heart--I'm one lucky girl!!
