"If children have the ability to ignore all the odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: Give up or Fight Like Hell." --Lance Armstrong
My dear friend, Mandi, sent me the above quote which was an answer to one of my many prayers and exactly what I needed the day she sent it to me. Everyday, sometimes several times a day, I am reminded that there are many people praying, thinking and fighting right alongside me--on both sides. It sends chills down my spine to type these words. I am so blessed.
When all the odds are against me, I am somehow comforted and KNOW it is going to be OKAY. Whether or not things work out the way I want them to is pretty irrelevant, but I am not going to go easy and He knows that--perhaps I won't even "go" at all. This may just be another notch (a big one) on the "trial belt."
Someday, this will all be a memory and we will all be better people from going through this at this time. I know that to be true too.
A few weeks ago, Jess and I went to get lunch at "La Grande Orange" (or happily referred to as "LGO" by the locals.) Such a yummy place--best avocado pizza and salted chocolate chip cookies around. They also have a "store" with the cutest assortment of expensive trinket/random books you'll ever come across that somehow grab your attention and before you know it, you've spent $50 dollars on "books/notepads/calendars" you may never look at again :).
I was given some advice from a fellow cancer survivor and friend :), Lisa, to get a journal where I can write my thoughts and feelings completely unsolicited. I was just going to use a good ole spiral notebook until Jess and I came across a journal at "LGO" called "It's Gonna Be Okay" and every page, inside, is titled "What I'm Hanging Hope On Today" and lets you rate the day with a thumbs up or down. Definitely MUCH more expensive than a spiral notebook, but a lot cuter with a good message.
So, I continue to pray HARD to my Father in Heaven every night, but, as I mentioned, my prayers ARE being answered.
My radiation oncologist is also a wonderful, kind and brilliant man. I meet with him every Wednesday and went last Wednesday armed with many questions--all of which he answered with great care and consideration.
I told him 3-5 years was UNACCEPTABLE for me. There is NO WAY I'm leaving this place that soon! He told me he didn't think so either! He said the internet is a wonderful thing, but once something is out there, it's there forever. The studies that put out the statistics of 3-5 years are OLD. He has been working on a study that has been going since 1994 because the patients they are studying are STAYING ALIVE. They can't end the study.
He also told me the new average age of survival, with my particular case, is 13 years and that is based on a 60 year old male (the average person who gets my tumor.) He told me I have nothing, but to believe I will long out live 13 years. Probably double it! Now 26 years sounds a lot better to me! He also told me to keep the attitude that 3-5 is unacceptable!
Today, I'm hanging hope on 26 years!
I'm also hanging hope on:
A new friend emailed me telling me she is disease free after being diagnosed with the SAME thing as me just 2 years since diagnosis.
I haven't lost my hair yet.
I ran outside tonight.
I gave my baby a bath.
I put piggies in Rylee's hair today per her request
Trent actually listened when I asked him to put a toy away.
My, Sethie, prayed loud enough for me to hear him bless that I get better.
Matt and I told Wade that our family is forever so he never has to worry about us not being together for very long.
They changed the mission age to 18 for boys which means I will most likely be around to see all my boys go and return from their missions.
I could go on and on. Heavenly Father is very aware of me and what I'm going through. I'm going to be okay no matter what happens.
