Week One of Radiation and Chemo

It has been awhile since my last post and my time has been filled with many doctor appointments to get my treatment in order, spending as much time as possible with family and friends and lots of rest.  I'm still trying to grasp onto what is REALLY going on with me and that I REALLY have cancer.

It is hard to imagine how much my life has changed in just 6 weeks.  I can barely remember what I used to even think or worry about before my diagnosis.  That is how I talk about things now "when I was diagnosed."  It is like I have just begun a new life.  My family and I did the same thing when we lost my mom 16 years ago.  We started a new life without her.

The hardest part of my "new" life is living day-to-day.  I am a routine-oriented planner.  I've said this many times.  I like to "plan" for my future and that of my husband and children.  The rug was pulled out from under me last week when Dr. Nakaji gave me my prognosis.  He said the average life span for someone with my diagnosis is 3-5 years.

"What?!"

He COULD NOT be talking about me?!  Casen will be 5 in the best scenario!

I was not expecting this statistic and, in fact, refuse to believe it.  I have to, at some point though, accept the disease I have and not live in denial.  On the other hand, this statistic does not take into account the power of prayer, priesthood, faith and miracles--all of which I have going for me.

So, now I have to KNOW my cancer.  I have to read the advice from everyone I have received (again), research that and other areas, speak to my dr.'s differently with more questions, possibly eat differently, listen to my body and continue to pray for confirmation and comfort in all my decisions.

Not fighting hard has never been an option and it hasn't changed.  I absolutely cannot leave this world in less than 5 years.  My kids are WAY too little.

I have felt good about the "standard" treatment all along.  Radiation and Chemo following as much removal of the tumor as possible is the standard and best treatment for my cancer.  I feel good about it and the first week went well.  I am on "Temodar" which is chemo in a pill form taken every night during radiation.  A half hour before I take my chemo I take an anti-nausea pill.  "Temodar" is well tolerated--nothing like chemo was when we were growing up.

Radiation is also going well.  I make the 45+ minute trek down to St. Joseph's Hospital everyday (monday-friday.)  My Radiation Oncologist had a mask made specialized for my head and face.  The way the radiation beam is aimed at me is specific to my head and my tumor.  It is important that the measurements are exact so they have to bolt my mask to the table while I wear it so I cannot move at all.  It isn't the most pleasant 8 minutes of my day, but highly worth it as it is most definitely saving my life.  I promise you that I would do A LOT worse to save my life.

At the end of Week 1, I feel really good.  I'm just a little tired and think I over did it a little watching my boys play ball yesterday in the 100 degree temps (when is it going to cool down?!?!)  According to the Doctor, Week 3 should bring most of the side effects which are fatigue and hair loss.  I'm ready for both.  Hair loss could be minor, could be major.  We will have to wait and see.

I cannot believe the overwhelming amounts of generosity I have received from my family, friends, neighbors and ward.  I am SO blessed!  Thank you to all of you who have been there for me in any way.  It has not gone unnoticed.  The love, support and prayers are what have gotten me through this past 6 weeks.  I love you all very much.  My husband and children love you because they need me to be here a lot longer than 3-5 years and I believe I will because of you.  I will continue to fight as hard as I can.