My Marathon

It is 4:25am and my alarm goes off. I, surprisingly, slept pretty well. I quickly got up and began getting dressed in my marathon clothes that I had laid out the night before. Everything was packed and ready when I went downstairs to put on my shoes. I ate my energy bar, drank water, and waited for Ben to come and pick me up.

"This is it, " I kept thinking to myself. I had spent the last 4 months following Jeff Galloway's schedule and method, tried my best to eat well and had been "carb-loading" for 2 days. I was on my way to run my first marathon.

Ben picked me up, we got, my friend, Amy and started the drive to downtown Phoenix. We arrived with plenty of time, parked and hopped on the shuttle buses (school buses) to be taken to the starting line. The three of us exchanged lots of last minute ideas and comments on what we were going to do during the race, what we had done in training, etc.

It was packed at the starting line, even though it was 1 1/2 hours until start time. We took our time stretching, eating and checking our bags. I felt good. I was ready for this. 15 minutes until start time, we thought we would head to our designated starting point and I can't find my I-pod!

I freaked and panicked! My adrenaline began to rush as I frantically ran around the stretching/ resting area to find it. I didn't know if I could do this without my i-pod. I had trained from day one with it and it had been years since I had ran without one. I couldn't find it. I really, couldn't find it. I began to think, "they always say a true runner doesn't need music." That thought didn't comfort me in the least bit. I didn't care if I would be a "true runner" in some older person's book I NEEDED MY I-POD!

Just then I spot Ben and he had found it! I could not believe it. I hugged him and told him that I have never loved him more then I did right at that moment. He laughed and knew I was grateful and, boy, was I ever grateful. My heart slowed down a little bit and it was just 5 minutes until starting time now.

The gun started and we were off. It was 7:40 am, the sun was rising and the temp was about 55 degrees. It was already warm. I started strong. Almost losing my i-pod had gotten my blood flowing and anytime I had even a tinge of tiredness come over me, I would just remind myself that, "at least i have my i-pod." That thought did wonders for me during the first 10 miles.

I was feeling good and strong. 10 miles seemed to fly by, I couldn't believe it. My time was good, my thoughts were good, the weather was good, I was accomplishing something I had always wanted to do.

Just before mile 10, the race trail went around a corner and began to run straight into a fairly strong breeze with the bright sun beating down on me. It was physically draining. My battle begun. It was so early in the race to begin battling, but I couldn't help it. I was able to control my thoughts pretty well for a few miles. I crossed mile 13 at about 1 hour 54 minutes and was thrilled to be "on pace" for my 4 hour goal. It gave me some hope and a small surge of adrenaline, but most of those thoughts were over-powered with wishes that I had only signed up for the half marathon. I kept thinking that I would be done if I had signed up for that race.

I had to, literally, leave those thoughts behind and press on through the rest. I had my ups and downs until about mile 18. I had trained, I had read the book and thought I knew how it was going to be when I ran the race, but I didn't know. I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I have never battled myself this hard, ever.

After mile 18, I kept thinking, "I will just walk the rest of the way, I don't care about my time anymore." It took me a couple of miles to really get over the time thing. I am such a competitive person and I like to say that I NEVER give up. I felt like I was failing, but I made peace with myself. "This isn't about anyone else, it is only about me, I don't care what others think about my time, " were the thoughts that helped me decide that beating 4 hours didn't matter anymore.

By mile 20 there was the light at the end of the tunnel--so close yet so far. At least I was allowing myself to take more walk breaks. It was enough to get me through it. There were SO MANY times that I just wanted to quit, to stop the pain, to stop the battle. In the very least, I wanted to walk the rest of the way. I knew I could walk the last 6 miles in about an hour, but that thought didn't comfort me much. I didn't want to be doing this race for another hour.

Those thoughts were enough to carry me through the rest of the race. I ran the entire last mile. I knew the end was so close. Running across the finish line at 4 hours 23 minutes was bitter sweet. I wanted so badly to beat 4 hours and thought I had prepared to do so. The sweetest part was that I was DONE. I was DONE. I could barely walk at that point, but I was done.

The marathon was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was harder then giving birth to my children. I have never had to battle myself like that before and I feel like a different person because of it. You learn a lot about yourself when you do something so personally challenging. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that I am a little disappointed in myself. I thought I was stronger then the thoughts I had during the race. I really thought I could have accomplished my goal.

I guess, for me, the goal should have always been to finish--which I did. I finished the marathon and for that I am proud. I had had plans to do another marathon this fall in Utah, but I don't think I will. I am not saying that I will never run a marathon again because I am pretty sure I will. The competitive person inside of me will not let this be it, but I think I need a break for awhile.

My family and friends have been such an incredible support to me through this all and I need to focus on something else for awhile. I could not have accomplished this without the love of so many especially Matt and Jess. The two of them had countless hours of "kid duty" while Ben and I trained. They never complained and were always so supportive. Their loving words and seeing them jump up and down and yell my name as I ran to the finish line was incredible. Thank you so much, I love you guys.

There is a chapter in Jeff Galloway's book titled "A Mental Tour of the Marathon," which I probably should have spent more time reading. :) In that chapter there is a quote that I, absolutely, loved. It says:

"This is a significant achievement that you accomplished with your own resources. No one can ever take this achievement away."

I did it. I ran a marathon.