The INCREDIBLE card was designed by one of my dearest friends from college, Mandi Leavitt, who missed many nights of sleep to produce a perfect product. The words were written by me:
When you are fighting for your life
He will be there.
When you are faced with the odds against you
He will be there.
When you think you aren't going to make it
He will be there
When you are in need of a miracle
He will be there.
He is always there.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for our family,
as we have clung to each other and our Faith through this trial.
We have felt them and we have needed them.
Christmas has a much different feel to me this year and I hope it has this "new" feel from now on. As a matter of fact, everything in my life has a new feel...a better feel.
I was talking to my dad the other day and we were discussing how blessed we are after the results of my post-radiation MRI. I don't know if it was true or not, but I felt like I was knocking on death's door the last couple weeks of radiation and until my MRI. It was the scariest few weeks of my life. I'm not dead. I'm not going to die, but I was about as close to it as I could have gotten and I am changed forever because of it.
While my dad and I were talking, he said that when my mom died, his life changed. There were many things he had to rearrange, prioritize or cut out of his new life. I told him that I have been doing the same thing, but the best part of it all is I'm still here. My dad had to figure out life after losing his wife. I get to do this without leaving or losing anyone.
My way is better. Life has been forever changed since I walked into the grocery store on August 11, 2012. I appreciate the little things, put off the dishes/phone calls/laundry, hug my kids a little longer, weed out the excess things that don't matter, thank my husband more, simplify, cut out and don't do a lot of the things I used to do. It just doesn't matter.
What can you take with you to Heaven? Answer: NOTHING! What will you get to have in Heaven? Your family. What will your family remember when you have gone to Heaven? You are the only one who can answer this.
I have a new perspective on life. I thought brain surgery brought me the new perspective, but turns out, brain surgery was the warm up, the easing into the hard stuff. Radiation is what nearly did me in. Radiation gave me a new perspective. Each night I kneeled and plead with my Heavenly Father to let me survive. To keep me here on Earth. My prayers changed very much during the course of the last 4 months as did my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I went from begging to submitting myself to His will knowing that His will is the only right way. The only way that everyone involved would be okay. Submitting myself, but asking Him to carry me through this trial as there is no way I could do it alone. He carried me, he continues to carry me. That is what He is there for. For you and me. He doesn't do anything to us. He hurts when we hurt. The biggest reason I didn't want to die is it would cause my children pain. He watched His only Son bear the sins of all mankind and then die on a cross. He knows a pain much worse than I feel or have ever felt.
Now, each night, I thank my Father in Heaven for my new perspective. For a new chance to appreciate my life in a way I never did before. I pray to never forget this perspective especially as I continue to regain my strength and become "invincible" again.
12 comments:
I've been waiting and waiting for a new post. :) I just had a little thought to check tonight and I am so glad I did! I know I already told you how incredibly beautiful your card is but I loved hearing about all of the feelings and perspective behind it. You are more & more incredible every new conversation I have with you or post I read of yours. Heavenly Father truly works in mysterious ways. Who would've thought that coming so near to death is sometimes exactly what we need to truly begin living. I hope I can at least glean some of your wisdom just by being close to you. :) Love you friend!
Thank you for this beautiful post Jen! What a great reminder of what matters most! You reamain in our daily prayers :)
hi Jen, i dont know you personally, but i've been reading your blog from different part of the world, im from Indonesia.. your faith has really inspired me, my prayers and thoughts are always with you, God bless you and fam.
Thank you! Again, that card was a life changer for me. Props you your friend who placed the design she is GIFTED and INSPIRED. thank you both.
Thank you Jen for sharing your amazing and powerful testimony. You are such a wonderful example to all those whose lives you have touched and continue to touch. You have had a huge impact on me! I'm sure you have a lot of guardian angels gathered around you including your sweet mom helping you through this. I am sure she is so pleased at what a strong and beautiful daughter she has!
Hi Jennifer! Thank you for your beautiful post. As a mother of two (almost three!) who is good at the "doing" side of motherhood, but not so great at the "being" , I thank you for your words & wisdom. I hope to carry them with me into the moments when my children ask for me & yet I'm feeling pulled in the wrong direction by my mental to-do list... A blessed & merry Christmas to you & your family!! With love & prayers, Molly xo
You continue to amaze me...beautifully said!
What a beautiful post Jen!! You continue to remain in my prayers and I know that this Christmas will be extra special for you. You have a beautiful family to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas with and you have given a gift to all of us by helping us all realize what is important in life.
Hugs to you and your family.
xo
Anna
Inspiring post!
I don't even know how I came across your blog but THANK YOU!! I don't know your story but from this post your Testimony and Faith is incredible! You are one strong, beautiful, amazing Daughter of our Father in Heaven!! All I can think is WOW, YOU GO GIRL!! Best Wishes!
My sister-in-law referred me to your blog today. My husband got diagnosed with Stage IV brain cancer in October 2011 (at age 35). There are MANY similarities. We have four young kids, our youngest was 6 months at the time of his diagnosis. His tumor was in the motor strip of his brain, and surgery left him paralyzed on his right side. He now has most everything back, but still doesn't enjoy the active lifestyle he had before (we're still hopeful that someday he will). I started a blog just recently to document our experience thus far and to keep everyone updated. Our blog is jaredscancerjourney.blogspot.com if you're interested. I'm sure you can relate to much of our story! We have another MRI next week, we live life in 2-month increments right now, but feel confident that despite the statistics, he's got a long, enjoyable life ahead of him! :) Hang in there, it DOES get better, and you WILL feel yourself slipping back into your "normal" life with time.
I love your blog! You are so beautiful. The love of Jesus Christ just radiates right through you. I would love to feature you on my blog for my series I Am a Mormon Monday. If you are interested, please email me and I will fill you in on all the details.
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