Goodbye 2012

What a year....probably the best and the worst year of my life.  So much happened--each life changing on it's own.  We moved, my baby sister got married, I had our fifth, sweet, baby and, of course, you know, I was diagnosed with brain cancer.  Like I said, all life changers.

Many wonderful and awful things went on in the world during 2012.  A few awful: Newtown, CT, Hurricane Sandy, Wars continuing, wildfires in Utah.  A few wonderful:  young adults can serve a mission earlier (my personal fave of 2012), we have a living Prophet--President Thomas S. Monson, we live in a free country, miracles happen everyday.

A life changing year that will never be forgotten by anyone close to me.  My last blog posts have focused a lot on the many blessings that have come from being diagnosed with brain cancer.  That is why it has been the worst and the best year of my life.  I have seen so many miracles I can't even count them.

Several months ago, my dad and I were talking and he mentioned this brain tumor would have happened whether or not my mom passed away.  I think it is safe to say there is NOTHING in my life that would have turned out the way it did if my mom had not passed away.  When he said it, it brought me comfort.  It made me feel warm.  It was a piece of my mom that would have happened even if she were still here.

That warmth was quickly replaced by thankfulness that she is in Heaven rather than on Earth. Because she died, High School played out the way it did, I went to SUU, I met Matt, Jess came to SUU which directed her life in the way it did, I graduated from SUU, Matt and I chose to go to dental school in AZ, to live where we did, to have our children, to be in our ward surrounded by love, support and knowledge and to live near a world renowned Brain Cancer Hospital where I am receiving care by Doctors that are in the top 1% of their fields.  It has all led up to this point!  So, I would have had this tumor regardless of my mom dying, but I believe it would not have gone this well.  Things would not be SO good.

If someone tried to tell me, 17 years ago, I'd be very blessed by my mom's death, I would have given anything to have her back.  Anything.  There is no way I could have comprehended how much I needed her to die.  How pivotal it was to my life.

I have gained a lot of wisdom in my years.  I, actually, have gained an immense amount of wisdom in the past 4 1/2 months.  I know that this Cancer is part of something bigger.  I will look back 17 years from now and will be even more thankful for this trial.  It will have shaped who I am.  It will be the beginning of the next turn, in this short life, that will shape experiences, choices and changes that will determine the future of me and my family.

As for now, the "new year" is an awesome time full of hope and excitement.  I feel it.  I cannot wait to see what another year will bring.  I can handle anything.  I'm armed with the best weapons--determination, strength, but most of all my family and Faith.  Welcome 2013, the first of many more years to come.